i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize