today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
