I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
