What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
