I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
