remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
