peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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