Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
