I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
