i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the day after is always just damage control
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
