then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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