420 ftw
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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