just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
