I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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