Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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