woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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