So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
