Please, let me fuck your mom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
