return my video game
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
