Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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