i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
