I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
