i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
