im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Of course I have a pirate flag
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
