there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
