I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
