is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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