Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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