Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize