Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
