why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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