You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
