Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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