Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
