Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sex in a hospital.. check
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
