Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
