matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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