Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
