Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
