Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
