he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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