in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
