Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
