You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
