That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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