I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
