My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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