my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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