just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
