he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
