apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
