I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
