I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
