Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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