It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
