I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
