I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
