I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
