I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
