bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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