Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize