Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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