We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
