Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
