Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
