I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
