Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
