so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
