im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Everyone says I win the strip club
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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