i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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