She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
