come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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