they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
