I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
