my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
