Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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