She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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