You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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