i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
