Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I could fuck to npr.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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