I'm sorry my penis didn't work
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
